Oh My Hubby: The Bread Crumb Incident

"Hey, come see the grand finale of the secret, time lapse video I made when I left for my coffee break this afternoon," he said.

Me: See! This is why you have to run things by me before you do them.

Hubby: No! This is exactly why I don't tell you ahead of time or you wouldn't let me do it.

Me: WHAT were you thinking?

Hubby: That some birds would come eat them or maybe a squirrel and I'd have a neat video.

Me: It seriously never occurred to you the dog would eat them?

Hubby: He just went outside before I left to go get coffee so I didn't think he'd want to go out again that soon.

Me: If the dog gets sick it's going to be all your fault. Those crumbs are swelling up in his stomach as we speak. Wait. Are those the 5 YEAR OLD BREAD CRUMBS you were supposed to throw away last week? (I made him fresh crumbs for the burgers he was making himself for dinner.)

Hubby: Yes.

Me: You HID the old bread crumbs?

Hubby: Yeah, I wanted to do something cool with them. (Really, who says that?)

Me: Now you need to go sweep those up before the rats come and eat them tonight. (Every neighborhood in the Bay Area has rats. I know this because a professional exterminator told me so.)

Hubby: I think it'll be ok to leave them there.

Me: The morning dew is going to turn them into a big, soggy mess, and they're going to swell up so it'll be harder to clean tomorrow.

He thought that would be cool. At my insistence he, begrudgingly, went out and swept up the rest of the crumbs. Then he came inside and asked if he had to sweep them into a dust pan or could he just leave them on the patio.

Seriously.